The Bloggable OC

Just asking...

2006-01-20T06:13:00.000-08:00

So, now that Mischa Barton seems to have taken some acting lessons, does that mean they had to get some crappy new CoopBot to maintain the craptastic quality? I cannot stand the new Caitlin's delivery. It's awful.

You know what I did love? The whole family plotting to break up Veronica Townsend and Neil Roberts. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Sandy Cohen? And Taylor has grown on me.

Kieran, do you think the re-trashification process has started?

Trashification.

2005-11-13T21:24:00.000-08:00

I want The OC to emerge on the other side of trashy. At this point I've pretty much given up hope that the show that I liked is ever coming back, but I retain some small glimmer of optimism that this is going to turn out to be what North Shore promised to be before it was cancelled. Speaking of which, how badly does FOX want to get Amanda Righetti in some show that lasts more than ten minutes? As far as I can deduce from their casting choices, their hope truly does spring eternal.

But hey, at least Peter Gallagher has an album coming out.

A day in the life.

2005-11-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

Wow, they wrapped up Ryan's fishing thing, the dean's affair, and Julie's rescue from social oblivion all in one episode. It's part for the course in the OC! Everything happens faster here.

Be sure to tune in next week when Kirtsen's evil friend Charlotte and Julie Cooper go into business together and get found out by Kirsten and exposed to the police, Marissa cheats on Ryan, and who knows what other antics!

You know it's bad when...

2005-09-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

The parody of The O.C. on The Simpsons last night was better than any of the new episodes. Maybe they should go to Knott's Berry Farm and get held up by the guy in the Snoopy costume. It's a hell of lot better than the crappy Dean who was the guy Mia Kirshner dumped for a chick on the first season of The L Word. (And yeah, I've watched The L Word. Wanna make something of it?)

Somebody make me feel better.

2005-09-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

I don't knOw-C, guys. I'm just not feelin' it. The evil dean, the ease with which Marissa can forgive Julie Cooper Nichol Cooper, Boston Public Threat, the emotionless and only ironic repartee between Summ and Seth, the continued use of covers of great songs by just-good bands. I do still love Ryan's new 'do, but lend a girl a hand. Remind me of the time we first met, why I fell in love with yOu-C.

Rule 1: Let those eyebrows grow

2005-09-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

Apparently my beloved Sandy Cohen has some advice for the new crop of TV dads. I am really worried about my crush on Peter Gallagher. It's kind of disturbing.

Also, ESPN's Sports Guy e-mails back and forth with Josh Schwartz, asking him about sports bigamy (didn't know he was a half-hearted Red Sox fan), 90210 and how some of the second-season missteps came to be. It's worth it just for the Ian Ziering references alone.

Maybe now TV Detective will post about the most appealing O.C. "manwiches." My vote: Sandy and Ryan.

And so it begins.

2005-09-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

I can't believe they wrapped up the whole Marissa shot Trey who is in a coma and and Ryan goes to jail for it storyline in a single episode. Just in time for school to start next week!

Love Ryan's new haircut, hate Marissa's new blond, hate Kirsten's creepy new passive aggressive friend who will turn out to be evil but whose plotline will doubtless be resolved within a couple of episodes.

And seriously, how can Jimmy Cooper have still more financial trouble?

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it.

2005-09-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

And that's just because of Ryan's new haircut.

The Wearable OC

2005-08-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

Now you too can pretend to be Summer or Marissa. Amazon has launched The OC Collection. Snark away, ladies. Snark away!

Seth Cohen is a tool!

2005-05-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

Dead Caleb: how do we feel about this, ladies? I am slightly conflicted. I like that it means that there will be a whole big Julie Cooper murder trial story arc, but I'm going to miss the old coot. I'm over Cohen's public declarations of love for Summer. And Ryan as a baby daddy could be interesting. Will the kid be good at math since his mommy co-stars on Numbers? Kirsten as Boozy McLiverdamage is a little played out. But still, I heart Sandy Cohen.

Is The OC back? Discuss...

two hours!

2005-05-04T17:02:00.000-07:00

we face a lot of difficult issues these days. what is your worry about tomorrow night? you have two choices.

you might have to push your fast-forward button to the limit to make two solid hours of the oc tolerable, OR
you're going to have to leave work early to prepare for the viewing party, and you suspect it might be too late to order a picture-on-a-cake featuring sandy cohen.

i'm in category one.

oh brother

2005-03-24T23:58:00.000-08:00

the thing with the watch and the receipt and the choking people with a cue stick, YAAAAAWN. how predictable is that? it's like, you see them playing pool at the beginning of the scene, and you immediately know that someone is going to choke someone else with the cue.

the porn identity

2005-03-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

hh picks a nit about the fact that the bourne identity came out about twenty years after the porn identity was supposed to have. as i was watching the show, i assumed that because tv never lies there must be a good explanation for the goof. the best i can come up with is this, which is not as satisfying as i'd like. is there some reference that i'm missing? help me out here, i'm barely literate.

also, at the end of last week's episode, i amused myself by imagining what would happen if you really set fire to a wooden structure in the shape of that horse. i think the base would give out first, and the flaming horse's head would fall from the sky, possibly on a human pyramid or a marching band or whatever was there. it would make a great faux "next week, on the oc" segment, in the spirit of arrested development.

the porn identity!

2005-03-11T07:05:00.000-08:00

What I would give to see Julie Cooper porn. "I think I'm a virgin..." Classic. Julie seems to have softened somewhat; perhaps it's to make her more sympathetic. I still, however, love her.

Ryan and Marissa need to not get back together. I do like Marissa's new hair though.

Sandy has found his way back to my good graces. LOVE HIM!

"Why do you think I would know how to pick a lock?" Oh, Chino, so nice to see the wife beaters back.

questions/observations during the week off

2005-03-04T07:16:00.000-08:00

1. Why can't I spell "Marissa" correctly? I never spell it the same way.

2. Is next week really going to be the "greatest O.C. ever?"

3. Should we be that excited that Billy "Once and Again" Campbell is on the show?

4. Why do I care so damn much?

5. TVD, I think we should finally have our O.C. party Thursday.

Ding dong, the witches are dead!

2005-02-25T11:40:00.000-08:00

Fingers crossed.

Look, there is nothing at all wrong with the Fauxhan. Yet I don't like her. I had no problem with her initially, but my O.C. party buddy Matt has hated her from the beginning, mainly because she's come between him and Ryan. So maybe my dislike is his doing? Anyway, I'm kind tired of this story line. Adios!

And, hallelujah, Miss Unrecognizable After Rehab might finally be gone! I need more Cohen Parents love. I'm sick and tired of Sandy dipping his bushy eyebrowed toe into the waters of adultery.

Hahaha. Toes with Peter Gallagher brows. Hurl.

Ditto: I am so hot for Julie Cool Cooper. I want more.

And, Kieran, I know the return of Teresa Con El Bebe is inevitable but, damn it, NOOOOoooo! And one more time, in Spanish: NOOOOoooo!

Good thing I'm not writing for this show. Everybody'd just be making out all the time. No conflict, just kisses.

P.S. Seth's cable goes out? Are they sending you a message? He so wants you, HL.

Is "Chicago" the same as "Pittsburgh"...

2005-02-25T07:29:00.000-08:00

...You know, the land where old love interests go to fade into obscurity?

Kieran's right -- Julie Cooper-Nichol was looking good last night. I love the thought of her rocking the hot girl-girl action with Motley Crue and some Jager. Marisa was so confused when Julie attempted to be understanding. Princess Marisa won't be able to deal with Alex's "real world" life.

I really hope the Sandy/Hagface storyline is kaput, especially since Kirsten looked so fetching in her raincoat and umbrella.

Also, I wish we could have seen more Julie and Kirsten bonding.

Another question: Is Zack going to be gone now too? Or will he remain as Cohen's heterosexual boycrush?

That was fast!

2005-02-24T23:12:00.000-08:00

Marissa and Alex are basically over already? I give it 1-2 more episodes to totally unravel and then, with the Fauxhan out of the way (which, huh?), she and Ryan are back together in time for the end of the season. When Teresa's baby will be born.

Loved the Spiderman touch. And the Gimmie Sex.

I'm glad the stupid plotline with Sandy and the miserable bimbo seems to have drawn to a close. But just as February sweeps end we're left with basically no open stories -- Marissa and Alex, sort of, and Marissa and Ryan getting back together, sort of. Teresa and the baby eventually. Nothing in grown-up land, nothing with Summer and Seth.

Is it me or is Melinda Clarke looking better and better?

Sandy, you ignorant slut!

2005-02-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

When doing good ain't so good. Sandy's do-gooding went bad, and now he seems a self-righteous cad. Oh, I am so over him these days.

And, boy, that Kelly Rowan can deliver a line, can't she? How does she manage to sound so angry and yet so compassionate at the same time? "I am very sorry for everything you've gone through, Rebecca, but you're going to have to get your crazy, husband-loving, husband-stealing, unrecognizable-after-rehab butt out of town or there is going to be one serious dust-up, Kiki Cohen style. Thank you for your time."

Give me more girl-on-girl action! This Marissa- Alex thing is so sweet, and the Marissa-Summer friendship so adorable.

Next week: it sometimes rains in southern California! So they tell me...

P.S. Seth? Best Week Ever is one of my favorite shows. Call me.

Alex's GED.

2005-02-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

I wish we had had more of the Marissa-Summer conversation, actually. And I wonder how it's going to go over with the rest of the gang.

Wow, it just occurred to me: this SO connects Ryan and Seth on the kissing chain. Which in turn connects everyone else on the kissing chain too. Although not the doing-it chain.

Who else thought that Summer and Seth were going to make out last night, finally, again? Dude should have taken a shower before going over.

I am over Sandy Cohen. He's not hot enough to get away with this.

Can we go back to the part where Teresa and her baby have totally vanished? Are they going to be back at the end of the season, or are they going to go the way of Anna, never heard from again?

Last night's episode was pretty good, I thought. And it reminded me that I need to get the most recent Stars album. I keep hearing them on KEXP and thinking -- hey, who is that? This is kinda catchy... so today, without further ado, I'm gonna go buy it.

adoption, shmadoption

2005-02-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

What up with the non-event of the adoption? My prediction is that Fauxhan actually is Caleb's daughter. I hate the Lindsay/Ryan storyline. I'm so sick of it. I also loved Julie's "this is a surprise you won't read about on the internet" reference, which I'm sure was toward my beloved Television Without Pity. Marisa/Alex does work really well, and Marisa telling Summer was adorable.

When are we going to get into Kiki's impending drinking problem? That will be some good TV.

And, yet again, I have no idea what is happening next week as my faux TiVo cut off the previews...

A short treatise about humanity.

2005-02-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

I am so let down by Sandy Cohen that I feel that this deserves its own post. Is nothing sacred?

It left me feeling hollow.

In the meantime, I said it last week and I'll reaffirm what tvdetective said below: this is the best we've seen Mischa Barton. This storyline is really working for her.

I'm feeling misanthropic and I'm taking it out on The OC.

OH, NO-C!

2005-02-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

Why you gotta make me sad like that?

The Cohen men really let me down this week, especially -- and I can't believe I'm going to say this -- Sanford the Eyebrows.

And am I getting sappy in my old age, or was the Marissa-Alex stuff totally adorable? I read an interview in which Mischa Barton said she finds filming the scenes with Olivia Wilde to be a lot less awkward than those done with the boys. And it shows.

(Also? I learned in said interview that Mischa was born in the UK. That, along with my friend's theory about her upper crust breeding and lifelong acting coaching, should explain the voice.)

i stand corrected

2005-02-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

I watched the first 8 episodes of this fine television program yesterday on DVD. (Comments about my lack of a life will be dismissed as truly obvious.) Actually, Marissa was punk rock in the beginning. There is a conversation between Marissa and Seth in Episode 2 in which she talks about listening to the Clash, Stiff Little Fingers and other punk bands. Seth says, "I can't believe I have the same taste in music as Marissa Cooper." Marissa says, "I told you, I'm angry." So, this Alex thing (fashionwise, at least) actually makes a little more sense.

In a more pathetic revelation, I may have to subscribe to the OC Insider for my political economic analysis of the use of music on this program. Yeah, that's why.

road trip!

2005-02-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

Of course, my faux TiVo cut off the previews for next week, so I don't know if they illustrated the wacky hijinks that I'm sure are going to ensue when, Seth, Summer and Zack hit the road. Maybe Seth and Zack are going to be the real same-sex action (Oh, if only....)

I hate the Rebecca story line. First of all, who was all radical and blowing up college buildings in the '80s? Shouldn't Sandy and friends have been mocking people who followed The Preppy Handbook, and yelling "Die yuppie scum!" instead?

Caleb's turnaround? Whatever.

This was all just setup for sweeps mania.

Now if Amazon would only deliver my damn Season One DVDs...I caved in and bought them as an "educational expense."

quick question

2005-02-03T17:34:00.000-08:00

what does it mean to adam-brodify this baby?

oh, and, with the coming of february, hopefully this thing with the hot chick at the club will pay off. you can find out more information by visiting here, from what i understand.

Random thoughts about this week's episode

2005-01-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

Zack. Zack is the new Luke. I'm sure that he has been created as a blockhead version of Seth Cohen. There was some hatred, and now there is mad love. There will be mad alienation between the comic dorks once Summer and Seth start seeing each other on the side. (Oh, like you don't see that one coming for miles.)

"Kavalier and Gay" had to be one of the cleverest lines ever (or, at least for this week).

Blatant product/website placement isn't cool, Lindsay. Just say "google." It's become the "kleenex" of web searches. I do, however, commend you for not falling for Caleb's desperate lie.

I can't buy the girl from the 'N Sync film On the Line as a lesbian. Sorry.

Since when is Marisa all punk rock? It reminds me of all those girls in high school who miraculously became "alternative" in 1992. They are so setting her up to leave the show. I have this conspiracy theory that Mr. Schwartz is putting her in the girl-girl action to initially titillate viewers and then ultimately to piss off all those Focus on the Family groups. To placate those groups (and keep the O.C. on the air), he'll banish Marisa and get rid of the horrible Mischa Barton. The O.C. is saved, and we don't have to have her on the screen. Oh, and her "she's my girlfriend" line with really terrible acting made it believable. As in, it sounded like a blatant lie.

I want to see Sandy surfing. (Oh face it, I just want Sandy...)

Also, Sandy's ex is Bobby Simone's drunken widow? Kimmy Delany, you're looking rough. Sandy needs to stay with the shiksa goddess that is Kirsten.

Finally, I have a new appreciation for Ryan. He is not cute at all, but the facial expressions that Benjamin Mackenzie makes are dead-on teen boy. I especially loved him playing video games with an open box of Cheerios by his side. Dude is hilarious.

The BlowC?

2005-01-20T22:06:00.000-08:00

First matt pond PA and now Aqueduct. Although someone told me tonight that this show ought to be renamed The BlowC because it's so craptacular, I continue to cut Josh and co. a ton of slack for the music choices alone. If you're not listening to Aqueduct, you should be. They're one of my favorite Seattle bands.

Marissa and Alex look like they'll be getting! it! on! just in time for February sweeps, just as heathalouise predicted.

I'm just resting my eyes.

2005-01-14T20:26:00.000-08:00

First, allow me to echo Miss Heathalouise's mpPA love. Second, word to Kieran's WTF re: Kiki's "let's be friends" to Fauxhan. Are you kidding me? Not believable at all.

Also? Where was I when this whimpster business came out? Reading that could have saved me from a few painful dating experiences over the last year. Or eight. I'm resistant to this theory -- mainly because I so want to love Seth long time -- but that is clearly the magic of the whimpster!

An outstanding moment for me, besides the shirtless Ryan on top of meImeanFauxhan in the pool house, was the Cohen family joke about Kirsten's always falling asleep when they're watching a movie. "I'm just resting my eyes!" This is so a TV Detective family joke about Mrs. TV Detective.

Summer doesn't know who Kofi Annan is? Really? She must have been resting her eyes for the, oh, last eight years.

Kirsten Cohen: what gives?

2005-01-14T08:55:00.000-08:00

Who gives the "Let's just be friends" line to her sister?

I kind of like the Fauxhan, but those two have got to be failing physics by now.

It's official...

2005-01-14T06:38:00.000-08:00

I'm over Seth, and only all about Sandy Cohen. Seth is turning into the dreaded whimpster. Alas, Sandy is hot and old. And he sings stupid, sappy, old-guy songs at the Bait Shop. LOVE HIM.

Meanwhile, the girls start going wild next week. Is it bad that I kind of want them to kill Fauxhan? Of course, that sets up Ryan and Marissabot to get back together. (Which no one ever wants.)

And, nice Matt Pond PA song throughout the entire show (and I'm not being sarcastic. this made me happy.). The OC works its indie rock magic again.

Again, I love this show. I want to marry it.

no hot girl-girl action...

2005-01-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

...But the best line of the night had to be Jimmy (to Marissabot): "Are you drunk?", Julie (to DJ): "On tequila, I assume..." Ah, zingy racist jokes, what's not to like?

I am willing to wager that the hot girl-girl action happens in mid-February (sweeps).

Also, did anyone else notice that there did not seem to be that many people in the Bait Shop for the Modest Mouse show? Did drunk Seth Cohen scare them all away? Loved him in the wife beater...so misguided.

I want to marry this show.

well that's a disappointment.

2005-01-07T01:47:00.000-08:00

no lesbian activity whatsoever. not a lick.

Marissa Cooper, lesbian-at-large

2005-01-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

So. We haven't seen the episode yet, but what do we think? Is there a chance in hell they portray this realistically? Is it just an excuse for Mischa Barton to make out with a hot girl? Well, yes, but is it anything besides that? This isn't going to be an all-out sapphic affair; it's going to be a girl experimenting with her sexuality a bit. Does Marissa have it in her?

chrismukkah break

2004-12-19T08:26:00.000-08:00

I don't know about y'all, but I have a hankering to pick up the O.C. Chrismukkah album. Could it be the 60-minute commercial for it that I watched on Thursday? But that gripe aside, this episode was an excellent tiny story arc tie-up before the holidays. Judging by the previews, I'll bet we wait until February until the girl-girl action with Marisa and Gwen Stefauxni. That's total sweeps action.

Am I the only one who thinks that Mischa Barton will be "going to England" a la Brenda Walsh within the next season or two? She is hardly in any scenes with the full group. It seems pretty obvious that everyone hates her, including the producers.

Man, I wish my first post were more interesting. Kieran? TV Detective? Cassie?

(Oh, and is it really dirty that I have a huuuuge crush on Sandy?)

Where's the funny?

2004-12-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

Administrivia: I was thinking I might make some of you guys admins on this blog too, so you can make new posts rather than just posting in the comments. What do you think?

This week, on The Valley...

You know I'm a big fan of this show. I really am. But I feel like Josh Schwartz and co. are letting me down. Where's the edge? Where's the funny? The OC classic wouldn't have had Seth Cohen hooking up with Alex from The Bait Shop. Plotlines would take more than a single episode to resolve, even with Marissa "emote-a-thon" Cooper involved. This week all the apparent romantic bliss we'd attained at the end of last week -- Seth and Alex, Ryan and Lindsay, Marissa and DJ, Summer and Zach, and I'm not sure who in adultland -- was in turmoil again, only to be apparently resolved again in the same way by the end of the episode. No live performances by The Killers this week either, except for the one I actually saw not on TV with Snow Patrol, Keane, The Shins, Franz Ferdinand, and Modest Mouse, that last of whom sucked live in all ways in which it is possible to suck. But moving along. The non-twisty plot twist is that Lindsay is Caleb's illegitimate daughter, so whatever happens in the future with pairings and unpairings, I'm pretty sure Lindsay is never gonna hook up Seth.

Assertive Girl!

2004-12-03T09:14:00.000-08:00

Forgive me, denizens of The Bloggable OC. There are at least four of you. I am woefully behind. In a sense, that is my fault, but in another, very real sense, it is blogger's fault, because it ate my last enormous post about the last couple of episodes. Whether or not I should have backed them up before attempting to post. Irrelevant.

Since I last wrote: Julie has become CEO of The Newport Group; Sandy, because of his choice to represent the obviously guilty Caleb, has been fired and has grand plans of starting his own firm, which I have to say this is a lot of career change for one guy in one year, from public defender to corporate shill to restauranteur to self-employed guy with bushy eyebrows; Kirsten is bitter over everything; Ryan and Marissa are/not friends; Ryan has a smart, cute new physics lab partner whose eerie resemblance to Lindsay Lohan is reinforced by the fact that her name is actually Lindsay and they're flirting up a storm; Summer is dating Zach but can't stop talking about Seth; Seth has sexual tension and as of last night even the occasional smooch with the pierced tattooed club girl that he works with at the pretend club that exists to give bands like The Killers some vehicle for pretending to perform on The OC, which reminds me that I'm going to see The Killers along with Keane, Snow Patrol, Franz Ferdinand, The Shins, and Modest Mouse next Thursday; Marissa continues to irritate me beyond all reason every time she opens her mouth and also continues to hook up with DJ the yard guy; and everyone is apparently coupled off in an equilibrium that can clearly only last us ten minutes into next week's episode, if that.

Last night's episode was pretty good, though. I like the lab partner development, although Lindsay is just a little too much like Anna, which makes me think we have exactly one character type for Assertive Girl who is just gonna get recycled from bit part to bit part, and further makes me wonder how it's gonna go when Anna comes back for a few episodes this season, which we know is going to happen.

Season two, episode two, quick and dirty

2004-11-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Okay honestly my memory of last night's episode is a bit sub-par, mainly because we had people over and the only way some of them agreed to watch was if we devised some sort of drinking game to go along with it. We settled on drinking every time there was a gratuitous boob shot; every time someone gave someone else a dirty look; and finally, in the coup de grace that kept us drinking all night long and is ultimately responsible for the fuzziness of my The OC memories this morning, every time there was some instantiation of bad acting, which basically meant that we drank every time Marissa said anything whatsoever.

From what I do remember, Marissa and Ryan are back together but wait now they're not because it turns out she's been hooking up with DJ the lawn guy all summer long; Summer is dating Seth lite, who likes comic books and is on the water polo team; Caleb is arrested; and Ryan's guidance counselor decides that he needs to be promoted to AP Calc and AP Physics immediately. I'm going to have to save my extended rant on AP tests for another time. Check back soon.

Season two, episode one, long and filthy

2004-11-07T17:17:00.000-08:00

Last season, on The OC: wench Teresa traps Ryan into moving back to Chino by having sex with him and getting pregnant; Caleb marries Julie without telling her that his financial empire is about to come crumbling down, which for these people probably means they'll have to buy a slightly smaller mansion in Vail; Seth jumps into his tiny tiny sailboat and leaves for god knows where but we hope it's not Tahiti; Marissa can't deliver her lines but looks nice in miniskirts.

Oh god here we go. We start the second season with several half-naked muscular men working on a construction site gratuitously flexing. It turns out the Cohen household has become the set for a gay porn flick. Except wait there's Kirsten ignoring Sandy and then fighting with him about Seth's whereabouts because she's had enough of hippie parenting psychobabble and thank god someone has trimmed Sandy's eyebrows this season.

Commercial and oh god here we go again. Summer and Marissa are basking by the pool in bikinis while the new hot lawn guy plays with a hose on the other side of the pool. Marissa says her mom wants her to go to cardio bar, which I don't know what cardio bar is, but I know that every gym is gonna be having classes for it in the next month now that it's been mentioned on The OC, and Summer replies that maybe Marissa really shouldn't be doing any more cardio, which this is why I like Josh Schwartz so much because this is an actual Mischa Barton is too anorexically skinny joke and Marissa defends herself by saying that she does eat after all, which validates the existence of this blog which used to be a website that complained all the time about how everyone would eat all the time on camera except for Marissa whose scenes always managed to end moments before she had to put like actual food in her mouth. Summer reminds us again that Marissa's incipient alcoholism isn't so incipient. Summer is dating Zach, which is not a cover because she doesn't miss Seth at all not at all.

Okay, another construction site. Josh Schwartz is probably going for some construction metaphor in this episode, but on the other hand it might just be a convenient way to let Ryan keep dressing in white t-shirts and wifebeaters and not have it be totally inappropriate, which reminds me that I took my friend Jeff shopping this weekend so he could wear something other than white t-shirts and I have to say it was an extremely successful expedition. I should probably point out in this online medium that Jeff has serious hottie potential, which is something I used to think about Ryan, white t-shirts and all, but as Seth has grown on me so too has Ryan's somewhat craptacular acting diminished his beauty in my eyes. Teresa packs Ryan's lunch and peels his oranges, but she isn't looking very pregnant.

Julie is pretending that Caitlin exists again and needs to be picked up from swimming lessons, and Caleb is neurotic about the phoneline being tapped and the flower truck in the driveway and Julie using the company credit card to pay for a new pony for the fictitious Caitlin.

Back at the gay porn set, Kirsten is unpacking groceries and then suddenly inspired by the Christmukkah card on the fridge she calls Seth, who we learn is staying with Luke and his gay dad in Portland, and whose middle name turns out to be Ezekiel. He's never coming back to Orange County and he hangs up and Sandy walks in and they whine a little about Seth leaving and Ryan leaving and the house just seems so empty except for the sweaty, shirtless men prancing around everywhere. Oh and look here's Jimmy, who announces he is still dating Hailey which it's like I wonder how long they can even keep this illusion up since everyone knows North Shore has been renewed.

Sandy goes to visit Ryan at the construction site where he's working and we have some affable family bonding for a few minutes and Sandy wants Ryan to go to Portland with him to convince Seth to come home. Ryan isn't so sure but Sandy bought him an airline ticket just in case. I want Sandy and Kirsten to adopt me. Evil Teresa drives up and sees Sandy and doesn't like the looks of this.

Oh it's our first soundtrack moment! Ryan's in a wifebeater! So is this other little kid on a bike, who is a young Ryan, which really this kid looks just like him! Ryan stops hallucinating and sees Teresa in a bathrobe cooking and gratuitously flexes his muscles and then the music fades and Teresa tries to sound sympathetic about Seth but even when we're supposed to like her she's just so damn irritating. Ryan isn't going to Portland.

Sandy and Caleb meet clandestinely in a parking garage and Sandy makes fun of Caleb's cloak and dagger lifestyle and Caleb says there are good reasons and Sandy has to be at the OC airport in an hour and Caleb doesn't get it and Sandy thinks there's no news from the DA's office about anything and either all is well or all is going to soon to be shit and I know which my money's on. They drive away which it's like there was really no reason for them to meet up at all.

Seth is drawing comic strips and bonding with Luke over girls, two of whom walk in and one of whom proceeds to make out with Luke and the other girl likes Seth but he's having none of it even though Luke thinks she has a killer rack but honestly this girl doesn't even really have boobs. They get home from where they teach sailing to find Luke's gay dad cooking and announcing they have a guest and surprise! it's Sandy.

Marissa has a new car and she and Jimmy go to the porn set to hang out with Kirsten, and Marissa and Ryan don't talk anymore because it's too weird but that doesn't stop her from wandering down to the poolhouse where they didn't have sex and here we go! Our second soundtracked moment of the season.

Luke/dad and Seth/dad are eating dinner and Luke is dismayed there's no water polo team at his new school and Seth and his dad bicker and everything is weird and awkward for Luke/dad who aren't really on camera anyway.

Marissa is standing by the ocean drinking from a flask because we might not have remembered that she's going to be in AA before long otherwise. She drunk dials Ryan but doesn't say anything when he answers.

Seth and Sandy kind of make up and Sandy says hey! maybe Portland is a good idea after all. Sappy moment followed by Seth announcing he has to give a sailing lesson.

Oh and look! Ryan has packed his bag because he's going to Portland after all so he can't go with Teresa to her doctor's appointment. Teresa whines a while in a way that we're supposed to find compelling but really it's passive aggressive and we are wondering how long it's gonna take before she's not on the show anymore. Whew! Ryan narrowly escapes.

Julie wants to know why Marissa isn't even ready and won't take off her headphones and this scene of mother-daughter delights is supposed to stand in contrast to the Seth-Sandy scene we have just seen and this one ends with Marissa doing a primal scream kind of thing and throwing her deck chair into the pool in a way that is supposed to be dramatic and stirring but really makes me want to sign her up for acting lessons.

Sandy leaves! Ryan arrives! Seth is beset with a never-ending parade of visitors from SoCal.

Summer shows up at the gay porn set with a box of stuff that Seth gave her because her therapist told her she needs to vibrate at high frequency. Kirsten looks stoned and Summer dumps the pink box of stuff on his bed and has a special bonding moment with Captain Oats, which it's like I guess it's kind of sweet that Seth still has his childhood toy or whatever but can we not get over the Captain Oats thing by now. It's season two, people.

Luke's gay dad announces that there's another special dinner guest and look! it's Ryan. Luke is way too happy to see him. Seth has learned how to grill burgers, which I guess it's good that he's picking up important life skills. Seth and Ryan make up but Seth isn't going back to Newport because Ryan isn't.

Jimmy and Julie hang out at the Caleb McMansion and talk about their dysfunctional daughter without even mentioning her incipient alcoholism. That plotline will probably be resolved by episode three, though, given the past track record. Minor digression to lament the decline of what was once an edgy show about teenagers and their parents rather than a teen soap. NTTAWW teen soaps. But still. Julie mentions that Caitlin is going away to boarding school, which is definitely a good thing because this way we all no longer need to dance around pretending the girl exists when clearly there hasn't been an actress cast as Caitlin since, oh, about the pilot.

Caleb arrives at la casa de porno and Sandy tells him he's learned that the DA has built a damaging case against him which means that we're going to get some juicy courtroom drama this season, probably within the next few weeks, in which someone will inevitably stand up and irately declare "I OBJECT!" in the most strenuous possible terms that no actual lawyer not on TV ever uses.

Luke and Ryan and Seth are bonding over video games when Evil Teresa calls and annouces that yes, it's over, she's had a miscarriage, which we all know is the only acceptable way to resolve a teen pregnancy on primetime TV, and we're supposed to feel bad about this but really it just makes us realize that shit, everything is going to be essentially back to normal by the end of episode one, which is an episode or two faster than even the accelerated timetable I was expecting. Teresa tells Ryan not to come home. Seth consoles Ryan who doesn't look that sad to tell you the truth. Back at Teresa's house, her mom asks if she told him and says it's for the best and lets us know that actually nothing bad has happened to the baby at all, which means that Teresa really is going to have the baby unless she miscarries in some future episode so that the plotline can be appropriately resolved.

Climactic scene with Ryan and Seth talking about what they're going to do with their lives and it's actually a great scene but we're eager for it to be over because we know at the end they're heading back to Newport anyway, and Ryan's cab is here and uh oh! the soundtracking is starting and shit the soundtracking on this show is really damn good. It's giving me goosebumps. Ryan is getting into his cab and Seth is running to the door and they're both there and surprise! they're heading back to Newport together.

Sandy and Kirsten are drinking wine and eating dinner that looks like they might have cooked it but really not, and Seth and Ryan walk in and everyone is happy! back to normal! welcome home! Seth and Ryan bond in the poolhouse and Seth tells us about his summer's journey in which instead of sailing to Tahiti he sailed to Santa Cruz and took the bus to Portland.

Season two, episode one, quick and dirty

2004-11-04T23:37:00.000-08:00

Oh boy Mischa Barton still can't act. Josh Schwartz makes a Mischa-is-anorexic joke. Teresa loses the baby... or does she? Seth left the OC... to hang out with Luke and his gay dad? Caleb's about to lose everything. Julie is still trying to buy ponies for Kaitlin, who is finally leaving for boarding school so everyone can stop pretending she exists. By the end of the episode everyone is happily ensconced at the pool house once again.

More tomorrow, little chickadees. But The OC is back, baby.

The Bloggable OC

2004-10-10T17:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not actually a fourteen-year-old girl; I just play one when I write about TV. I'm moving my old The OC webpage to blog form, since I got tired of the idea of creating a message board and all the other goodies I thought about including. It's all about the juicy summaries anyway, plus comments from Adela and Heather.

Season premiere November 4.